Birthing a Book

I walked into my therapist’s office with a stack of papers, poems, and reflections I had written over the past two years. I was so excited to share them with her. The year was 2001 or 2002.  My first therapist had gone on maternity leave a short while earlier and suggested I try out a colleague of hers to see if we would connect. We did. And here I was reading to her my poetry, my stories, my reflections, and my journals. Craving for understanding. Hoping she would see me. 

Writing is therapeutic for me, it is cathartic, it feeds and heals parts of me. I started my blog in 2008 and have been writing publicly since then. Every so often someone will say to me, “Chani, You should write a book.” Something will tug at me and I respond “someday, when I have time.”

The desire to bring a book into the world has been strong inside of me, the impulse to write, the hunger to teach, the longing to be seen, all come together into a beautiful manifestation of a book.

One would think that this would be an easy endeavor then. But fear shows up as well, the very desire to be seen also collides with the terror of being seen, of being perceived in ways that I do not have any control over, of writing something that offends or pushes people away, of saying something that I will later regret, having evolved from that place. 

Despite the hesitation, over the past few years, I carved out time in my schedule to write. I spoke to therapists, coaches, and friends who helped me work through the fear of bringing a book into the world, of speaking my truth and having it not only on a blog but in printed and audio form. Who encouraged me to write despite the fear. 

And I did, I finished writing my first book in August 2023. Or I thought I did. But it takes a village and time to bring a book into existence. For the past year and a half, I have had the privilege of working with an incredible team of professionals—as well as people who love me—to bring this book into actuality. I am forever grateful. 

The bulk of my time these past few months has been dedicated to editing, listening to feedback, and incorporating many of these suggestions. 

Although incorporating the feedback is vital to the process of birthing a book, it also required me to let go, to allow the process to unfold, to invite spaciousness for the title to reveal itself, and then the subtitle to come into being. This was not easy for me. 

Take for example my use of ellipsis . . .  those of you who know my writing know that I like to use the three dots to create space, to hold a pause, to mean a million things.   

The original version of my book was riddled with them. As we edited, these came out one by one. One day I heard myself saying out loud as I reviewed another chapter “yes, the ellipsis, it is coming out.”

As we finished the final edits; we did a word count for the number of ellipses in the final manuscript. Not counting the forward, there are 69 ellipses left in the book. “What a perfect lesbian number,” I said laughing as the number showed up. 

Yet I grieved the hundreds we had taken out. While knowing that in order for the book to be readable, it only made sense to do that. Still it was a difficult thing . . . Letting go of ellipses, full sentences, and paragraphs. Adding in text to explain things, clarifying others. Yes, the manuscript is 100 times better than it was (and I think it was pretty awesome to begin with). AND it is a difficult thing letting people critique what came through me. 

There is a saying, some say it is an African proverb, “if you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” Of course, there are more times than I can count that I just want to go fast, but in reality, for a more meaningful and fulfilling journey, I choose to go slow and go together. Even if it means editing and re-editing my manuscript. 

The manuscript is now a book in production!. Over the next few weeks, we will reveal the cover design, invite you to the book release event, and share with you how to pre-order the book. For those who have already pre-ordered from me, THANK YOU! You will be receiving your copy in early April. 

I am so excited to share my first book—Mapito: Embrace Yourself—with all of you. If you would like to help me share with the world, we are creating a Mapito Street Team—to do just that. Street Team members will be invited to review the book early, share it with their friends and family, and post about it on social media. If this is something you’d like to do, please sign up here!

What is something that has been yearning in your own heart, that you keep pushing off because life is too busy, or because as much as you want it, you are also scared of it? 

What would it look like if you took one step towards that dream? 

Sending love during this difficult time.

Blessings,
Chani

PS: Appreciate my work? One way to support me is to pre-order my first book Mapito! Another way is to make a financial contribution. This enables me to support people of all income levels. Thank you for reading!