What Does Mapito Mean?

Chani Getter and their mother-in-law

Many of you have been asking me, Mapito, the title of  your book — what does it mean?”

Of course, the answer is a story. 

I had the privilege of having my mother-in-law live with us the last two years of her life. She arrived in the middle of March 2020, right when the pandemic hit, as the lockdown started. I was lucky enough to go through the pandemic with someone who reminded me to slow down and find joy in the little things such as the sunshine, the trees “dancing” and swaying, and the flowers. She would stand in the dining room, look out into our backyard, and exclaim “¡Qué lindo día!” as I sat hunched over my computer screen. I would look up and notice, perhaps for the first time, that indeed it was a beautiful day.

My mother-in-law never knew my name. I knew she would not retain it the first time we met. It was after doctors had already diagnosed her with Alzheimer’s. Ten years later, when she came to live with us, she never asked me for my name. She understood that I loved her daughter, that I loved and cared about her. She didn’t consciously understand this, but she knew this intrinsically without thinking. This unthought knowing was a big part of the way she communicated with me.

In his book The Shadow of the Object: Psychoanalysis of the Unthought Known, psychoanalyst Christopher Bollas coined the phrase “the unthought known.” It refers to the experiences we have that are known to us in our subconscious, but which we are unable to think about or have not yet thought about.

“Buenos días, Mamita,” I greeted my mother-in-law in our usual way as I prepared her breakfast and made her morning tea. 

“Buenos días, Mapito,” she responded.

When my wife came out of the bedroom I said, “What does Mapito mean? Your mom just called me Mapito.”

“What?” she asked, trying to get to the coffee pot to wake up more fully.

“Your mother, she just called me Mapito.”

She smiled. “She made it up. In the same way, she makes words like beautifulito and enyóyate, It is one of those made-up words that she does. It is mamita and papito combined. 

I breathed deeply, then smiled. My wife held me. We both understood that my mother-in-law, in addition to teaching me about joy and slowing down, had given me one of the greatest gifts of my life.

She had seen me truly, fully, and completely . . . totally and without the filter of what language sometimes does to us—without the what-ifs and shoulds, without the need to understand or to think. She had said, “Hey, good morning, I see you and truly acknowledge you,” all in one word: Mapito!

My mother-in-law was Colombian. She spoke English fluently, yet like many people with Alzheimer’s, she would often revert to her childhood language: Spanish. And so, in the mornings when I would wake and give her morning meds, a cup of “coffee” (cinnamon tea), and breakfast, I would greet her with “Buenos días, Mamita.” (Good morning and an endearing word used for females.)

She would turn around, look at me, and sometimes say, “Buenos días, Mamita.” Other times, she would turn around, look at me, sense that I was in male energy, and say, “Buenos días, Papito” (an endearing word used for males). And still other times, like she did that morning, she would look at me and say, “Buenos días, Mapito.” She could see on those days that I was embodying both genders, or I was gender fluid, or neither. She didn’t quite know. She never asked, but she sensed, and so she made up this special word for me. In her unthought known she created what was missing in language. 

Poet Andrea Gibson in “Your Life” says: “Your pronouns haven’t even been invented yet.” Andrea also sells t-shirts that read “My pronouns haven’t even been invented yet.” It is an incredible saying and a line that resonates with many of us in the gender queer, non-binary, gender fluid, gender expansive world, myself included.

Mapito means the both-and, the standing in the in-between space, and the expansiveness of not having a pre-existing word. It sprung from my mother-in-law’s unthought known. In those moments, she saw me fully in a way that no one else ever had. In doing so, she helped heal some of my childhood wounds, which allowed me to accept who I am and to wholly embrace myself. 

That is why my first book is called, Mapito: Embrace Yourself. 

I'm thrilled to share Mapito is now available for pre-order from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other booksellers.

Pre-ordering or adding the book to your Amazon wish list is a HUGE help for new authors like me. And I've learned recently, that people just taking a look at the book helps a lot too. (My deepest thanks to everyone who ordered Mapito through my author pre-sale!)

Mapito weaves my own story with those of some of my therapy clients to invite the reader to embrace themselves fully, to invent the word that would make them feel seen, acknowledged, and whole. To bring the unthought known into consciousness.

What is calling from deep within you to be embraced?

Blessings,
Chani

PS: Like what I do? One way to support my work is to pre-order my first book Mapito! Another way is to make a financial contribution. This enables me to support people of all income levels. Thank you for reading!