Seeing Each Other – A Pride Reflection
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We have a tradition, two of my children and I. On Father’s Day, we go into New York City and listen to the Yiddish Philharmonic Chorus. Yiddish is my first language and growing up in a musical family, I can probably sing hundreds of songs in my native tongue. So, I am consistently amazed by the plethora of old Yiddish songs that are new to me. Perhaps because many of them are love songs, and some come from Yiddish Theater, both were banned in the chassidish community that I come from.
A little background that’s important to this story, I was there with two of my adult children. Esther identifies as cis female, Bee identifies as trans and uses they/them pronouns. When you look at Bee, most people can’t figure out their pronouns, which makes for incredible conversations. For example, last week someone said to me - “I thought you were helping her, I see that he is helping you.” YES - you weren’t sure which pronoun to use for my child, and perhaps you weren’t sure if you should use they/them. Mixing it up (he/she) is a fine compromise.
Anyway, so there we are sitting in the theater when the conductor starts the show by saying - "Ladies and Gentleman," Esther turns to Bee and me, and without missing a beat says “and Mommy and Bee.”
In that moment, I felt so seen, so accepted, so validated. I found out during intermission that when these two go to music festivals where these words “ladies and gentlemen" are rarely followed by “and everyone in-between.” Esther (and her friends) will turn to Bee and say, “and Bee” without missing a beat every time.
What a gift to be seen, to be acknowledged, to have a sibling willing to do this over and over and over again. I feel blessed to know that my daughter is doing this for my kid.
When people live in minorities, the world rarely makes room for their stories, their histories, and even their presence. What a gift to have people in our life that step in to make light of the situation with humor and love.
In her newest single “If We Loved Like That,” singer and songwriter Elana Arian asks us “how would the world look . . . how might the lens get wider . . . who could be saved . . . how might the world be softer . . . who could your heart heal . . . what is the gift you would offer . . . if we loved like that?”
This has got me thinking, when is it asked of me to say something like “and Mommy and Bee,” when something is being said that is leaving some people out? How do I see and include everyone when I stand in front of a room? How can we turn moments of exclusion into moments of love, inclusion, and joy?
To help us all do that, I put together a list of possible ways to address people and be more inclusive. You can check it out here. Do you have other ideas? I’d love to hear them, send me an email.
Happy Pride today and every day.
Many blessings,
Chani
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