Embracing Our Emotions

I pressed repeat, and the song began to play over and over again. I noticed tears streaming down from my eyes, onto my lips, into my mouth, and onto my chin. My heart ached. My throat felt like it had a stone in it. I reminded myself to breathe.

I was listening to Kate Hudson’s song Live Forever. I had read somewhere that she wrote it for her son, and I was intrigued to hear it. 

I did not expect the lyrics to punch me in the gut. For the song to ask me to pause, to breathe, and invite me to do some deep healing.

Here are some of the lyrics:

“And then soon, there would be three
And you came and changed my life

Oh, I was just a little girl
Dove deep into the world
Thought I could take it on
And you showed up right by my side
My witness and my life now
We’ve grown up in stride.”

As the song played over and over, different images came to mind. I grew up with my children. There is no denying that. I had just turned 19 when I gave birth the first time and 23-years-old when I became a single parent of three children under the age of five. Yes… my witness and my life, we grew up in stride.

During one replay when Kate sang,“And then soon, there would be three, and you came and changed my life…” I thought about my firstborn and how at the time he was born I hoped, actually I prayed, that his father and I would be able to work through our differences, and we would be able to be three.

During another replay when the same line came up “And then soon, there would be three, and you came and changed my life…”  I could sense the time my second child was born. At that moment, I knew my marriage was over. I just did not have the resources or understanding on how to leave. And we were three, my first born, my second born, and me. 

During a different replay of the line “And then soon, there would be three, and you came and changed my life…”  my youngest child’s face showed up in my mind. Yes, soon there would be three. The three of them became a unit and totally changed my life while witnessing it. 

As the song played again and again, I grieved. Tears rolling down, words stuck in my throat. I was so so so young when I had them… I knew so little about how to be a parent, how to parent myself, let alone three small humans. I cried at the injustice and lack of choice.

I cried because I finally had the space and time to be broken-hearted, to hold the parts of me who have not healed yet, even though I had revisited this in therapy many times before. A friend of mine suggested that it is not that these parts have not healed, but rather that this time it was a deeper healing, more compassionate, more understanding. 

I am grateful that I gave myself the time and space to be moved, to grieve, to cry, to feel.

Have you ever experienced a song, poem, movie, or piece of art that touched you?

What was your reaction to the tug at your heart?

May we all allow ourselves to be influenced when our body reminds us to slow down and be with what is showing up.

Blessings,
Chani