Reflecting on 50 Years — A Birthday Reflection
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I am approaching my 50th birthday!
I have so many feelings about it, ranging from, this isn't a big deal to you are only one day older than you were yesterday to WOW!!!! I have been on the earth for half a century.
It feels like such a big deal, and yet just a blip in the big scheme of life.
I am told that on my 4th birthday—I woke up, sat up in bed, and announced:
"איך בין שוין פיר יאר אלט"
“Ikh bin shoyn fir yur alt”
“I am 4 years old!”
And then promptly went back to sleep.
This was very surprising. The community I grew up in doesn't celebrate birthdays.
Growing up, we sometimes acknowledged them, but it only got celebrated if you were a boy and only on your 3rd and 13th birthday. The boys would get their first haircut at age three, sideburns and kippa, then they would go to the local boys' cheder (kindergarten) where the teacher would put honey on the Hebrew letters, and all the children would get goodies. And at 13, the boys would celebrate their bar mitzvahs. I didn't even know my own father's birthday until I was an adult.
So the fact that I sat up in my bed and announced to the world that I was 4 years old, was so out of the ordinary and out of my families and community's norm, that I am still amazed it happened.
I do know that I love birthdays. As soon as I left the Chassidic community, I started celebrating my birthday—taking time to pause and acknowledge the moment. Regardless of how little money I had when my kids were growing up, I always had a cake for their Hebrew* birthday and a small gift for their secular birthday.
So here I am, turning 50, pausing and thinking to myself, what have I learned over the last 50 years? What do I want as I look ahead to the future?
I have come to believe that each of us have one or two lessons that we need to learn in this lifetime, and that they keep repeating themselves over and over again until we finally get it and incorporate it into our lives. For each of us, they are different.
For me, these lessons are 1) slowing down and 2) being kind to myself.
When I slow down, I am in the present moment. I can notice what is asked of me. I can listen and truly hear before I speak. I can be myself, fully there. Slowing down allows my nervous system to catch up with what is happening inside of me. I am kinder to myself as well as those I encounter when I am present.
Being kind to myself somehow translates into acceptance. I can acknowledge and honor the good and the bad, the things I still carry shame around, and the things I am proud of. It allows me to stop fighting internally and accept fully what is, and who I am in this moment. It creates internal peace and self acceptance.
When I am kind to myself, something magical happens in my own system. I'm kinder and more accepting of others, exactly as they are in this moment. I am gentler with people, animals, and the world around me, there is less judgment and more acceptance. This does not mean that I don't strive to do better or work towards Tikun Olam(repairing the world), it just means that I am more in flow with what is and can respond to what's happening in the moment.
So these are the two things that I keep coming back to in my life. Over and over, Spirit, the Universe, my children, my family, my work—they all remind me again and again that what I need to work on is slowing down and being kind to myself.
As I reflect on my 50th, I don't have a new message, just one that I am embracing more . . . noticing more . . . honoring more.
What have you learned or need to learn in your life? I would love to hear from you.
Blessings,
Chani
*A Hebrew birthday is the day a person is born on the Hebrew calendar, which is lunisolar, meaning it uses both the moon and sun.
About the Author
Chani Getter, LCSW, is a therapist, public speaker, and interfaith minister. They are the author of Mapito: Embrace Yourself, praised by Kirkus as “a kind and inclusive guide to becoming your most authentic self.” Chani's life and work have been featured in two documentary films and in numerous news outlets.
To book Chani as a speaker for your event or institution, please visit the contact page on chanigetter.com.
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